Unofficially Undecided.

"What are you planning on majoring in?"

"So, what are you going to school for?"

"What do you want to do?"

These three questions are evil. EVIL. Why are they evil? I'm glad you asked...

There is no right answer. Not only is there not a right answer, but there also isn't an acceptable one. 

If you say something artsy like Interior Design then you're a right-brained freak that is completely impractical. If you say something mathy like Aerospace Engineering then you're a left-brainer that is reaching for a "very competitive" career. And GOD FORBID if you're going into the fine arts. Then you're really not thinking clearly because no one actually makes it in Hollywood or New York "not from this town."

Pre-Med is conformist. Psychology will land you jobless. Philosophy is ridiculous. And any study of politics is futile, unless of course you're planning on becoming a lawyer.

Oh, but wait..you want to be a lawyer? Why would you ever want to do that? You won't have a personal life. 

You just can't win. It's impossible.

So a voice in the back of your mind tells you not to pick anything. "Don't commit. It's the only way not to screw up." And suddenly a feeling of relief...Undecided.

"Undecided???" Wow, you must have no clue what direction you want to go in life. You have zero drive and very little motivation. Oh you know what you don't want to do... "Well that's a start." (LOL THAT'S CUTE.)

Now, I'll admit that not everyone responds this way to your answers to the above questions. There are many who understand that Undecided doesn't equate to Unsuccessful, and Pre-Med doesn't mean you're the next McDreamy. 

The unfortunate truth is when it comes to majors and what people think, its a lot like The Breakfast Club's very accurate assessment of virginity...

So be unofficially undecided. The pentacle of all noncommittal things. And if you want to major in the mastery of puppetry, you go right ahead.

Party Psychology.

Alright, so I'm a nerd. You caught me. But I simply had to write this post.

Welcome to Party Psych 101. Alternative name: Gatsby 101.

I once had a dear friend tell me how much enjoyed seeing people intoxicated because it showed their true selves. At the time I disagreed. My point being that we all try so hard to put up our little façade and I wouldn't wish the destruction of that comfy cozy shell of a faux life that most of us lead.

That view point has changed. Because as the psychoanalytical nerd I am, being able to rip off that level of protection to see the real person underneath is an nigh-impossibility. Of course that all changes when the red cups come out.

So far here are the characters I have discerned from previous events:

The Captain: 

The so-called controller of the festivities. Seems to keep everything running fairly smoothly. Cuts people off. The protector, etc. etc. Basically without The Captain the whole thing would go to absolute fucking shit because everyone would be so unreasonably far gone that everyone would die. That may be an exaggeration, but…ja feel? 

The First Mate:

Lines frequently said by The First Mate:

"LOLOLOLOLOL OHMERGAEWD AHAHA…wait what."

"Oh godddz vat is going on?"

"Ayyyyeee. Ayyyee. Wait, are we going downstairs now?"

I could go on, but I think you understand. The First Mate seems to be attempting to help the captain. But well….they're a little fuzzy on the whole reality thing. Don't worry they'll be fine in the morning.

The Madame:

A personal favorite of mine. The Madame. He or she, for some indiscernible reason likes to pair people up at parties. Not subtly..obviously. At first it's kind of endearing, the whole "You should totally be together." But three hours later when The Madame is whoring one of you out to the other it gets kinda weird….

The Warden:

The keeper of the keys so to speak. They are in charge of the goods and who gets them, usually given this duty by The Captain. They work to keep a sort of checks-and-balances thing going on. If The Captain should fall prey to the situation, The Warden steps up. As much as this seems like a good idea, it usually fails because well this happens…

The Countess:

The Countess starts out as all fun and games, but slowly and then very very quickly they become the biggest pain in the ass you've ever met. They absorb every bit of self-importance, righteousness, and vanity that they've been repressing. They then proceed to release it all at once. Funny, if you're not the target. The Countess loses friends in the morning…if they remember what she said.

The Crew:

The Crew requires very little explanation. They're the people who populate the party but have no discernible presence. Although they all have their attributes displayed below…..

Love yours truly,

The Observer:

The person who watches all this unfold and then blogs about it…

Fine, Girls Suck Too.

I bet you didn't see this coming…. However, in the spirit of the equality that I'm always advocating for, I feel the innate need to point out that yes, girls suck too.

In my previous post, I'll admit I victimized myself a bit.

"Oh woe is me, he flirted with me even though he had a girlfriend..boohoo boohoo"
*throws arm over head and faints from trauma*

But, the truth is I was every bit as involved as he was.

Was it kinda shitty that he made a pass at me even though he was already in a "committed monogamous relationship?"

Yes.

But was it naive of me to think that he was actually in a serious committed monogamous relationship with a high schooler while he was on his way to college?

Absolutely.

The real issue here is, frankly, at 18 we all think we're all grown ups with serious issues and all that jazz. When really we're in college living a pretty privileged life, if you ask me.

I digress…girls suck too.

And I whole-heartily apologize for my earlier post, seeing myself as the sole victim in a situation that I was equally tied up in.

See, a few years ago I was having this discussion with someone else and he said something I hadn't thought of before:

"Girls always think that boys are the bad guys. We break hearts. We cheat. We lie. We 're no good losers or Mama's boys or spoiled or whatever other label they can give us. But it works both ways…Girls break hearts. Girls cheat. Girls lie. And every good rock, R&B, jazz, country, pop, or folk song is about a girl that is either making or breaking a guy's life….but usually breaking. And I think that you all  get so caught up in your own damn feelings that you forget we…the male population… also have feelings and emotions."

And in that moment my entire view on the world was rearranged. That sounds silly, I know. But before that conversation I had never even stopped to consider that guys feel the same way about stuff that girls do. And that we were all both the victims and the assailants.

Girls scratch and claw and bite. We fight. We hiss. We're scary and weird. We're all a little "dark and twisty" on the inside. We tear things apart. We're generally vindictive etc etc

And so are boys.

At the end of the day, when we've all fought the good fight, none of us are really better than anyone else.

Boys suck.
Girls suck.
We all kind of suck.

And in that we should rejoice. Finally, some common ground in this age old battle of estrogen v. testosterone.