Upside down.

Is it the world or is it just me? Is everything else spinning? Is it the world that's crazy and erratic? Or is it me? Am I close to collapsing or is it the universe that's ready to give up and implode? Which one of us is upside down here?

I realize this isn't exactly the most unique thought I've ever had. There are plenty of narcissist writers that question the world and the wrongness of it all. And most of them go mad anyway. So you'll have to forgive me for this somewhat trite message I wish to convey. 

Here I am trudging through my last few months of high school, and I'm practically clawing my way to the finish line. I only have two real months left of school. I'm so close. I'm so close it hurts. Everyone has experienced senioritis in one form or another. We've all wanted to be done with something. Just to have it finished. And like most, I am struck with an acute sense of apathy for most things that involve my high school. 

I've always been more of an observer when it comes to large interactions. Don't get me wrong I can command the attention of an entire room in a heartbeat. But that's only if I choose to be that version of myself. I like to observe. I like to watch and see what happens. I know that sounds like I'm some sort of creep, but really I just find human interaction fascinating. There is so much intricacy in one movement or facial expression...and I'm stopping myself right there before I start fangirling...I digress. 

The point is I just have this overwhelming feeling that there is so little humanity left in the human race. It seems every situation I watch unfold is met with animosity and hatred and just plain meanspiritedness. It's disgusting. I concede that love is out there. It is a part of our world and plenty of people are more loving and caring then they are sinister. But I've stopped seeing it.

So is it me? Has my perception just changed? Or is it really the world changing for the worse?

Perhaps it's just the people I'm around. I'm sure they're just as ready to get out of this soul-devouring hell hole. Maybe they're just handling it differently than I am. Maybe... 

Soon. Soon, we'll all be done. And I will hopefully live in a different sphere of this universe. One with people that can see past people's imperfections and view people holistically. I dream of equality. Is that too much to ask for? One day. One day.. maybe everything won't be so upside down.

A Recanted Tale.

Him. Turned out to be a product of those "oh so cruel" rumours I thought he was victim to.

Him. Turned out to revel in those rumours.

Him. Turned out to be a case that exceeded my abilities.

Truth be told, if I could have saved him I would have. There's nothing more painful than watching someone who you idealize go up in smoke. It wasn't so much that I watched his downfall. It was just that I realized he was already at the bottom when I found him. But as I mentioned previously, he has a knack for carrying his grandeur. This ability must have allowed him to fake his sense of wonder.

That first moment. That look. That will continue to stay true. And in its purest form it shall not die.

But him. He proved to be no more than a nice guy with a bounty of issues I couldn't possibly bear to handle.

And our "new found" connection had a steep downhill trajectory with an unfathomable velocity. From that moment on, our "partnership" was rocky at best.

So this, a recanted tale, serves as a reminder that a moment can continue to bask in perfection and solidarity while the rest of the world goes to absolute shit.

And with that, I leave you for the night. I'll be back soon. (I promise...for real this time.)